The Reality of Adoption: Foster Care, Infertility & Motherhood ft. Becca Gordon
Season 2, Episode 17 | ft. Becca Gordon
RAW Season 2, Episode 17: The Reality of Adoption: What the Process Actually Looks Like ft. Becca GordonThere are stories that stay with you. This is one of them.
In this episode of RAW, host Alison Hite sits down with Becca Gordon — mom, entrepreneur, salon owner, and deeply authentic voice in the Cleveland community — to pull back the curtain on a journey most people only see the highlights of: adoption.
Becca's path to motherhood wound through infertility, private adoption attempts, foster care, heartbreak, failed placements, uncertainty, and — 600 days after two newborn twin girls arrived at her door — the moment her family became official. It is not a sprinkles-and-rainbows story. It is a real one. And that, Becca says, is exactly why it needs to be told.
"Don't decide what kind of mom you're going to be before you're a mom."
— Becca Gordon | RAW S2E17
Meet our guest, Becca Gordon
Becca Gordon is a mom of two, entrepreneur, and authentic voice in the Cleveland community. A business owner for over a decade, she is the founder of Bloom Social Haus and Stella and Shay Beauty Bar in the Cleveland area. After adopting her twin daughters, she has become a passionate advocate for honest, real conversations about the foster and adoption process — and the beauty of a motherhood that looks nothing like you planned.
Connect with Becca
📱 Follow on Instagram
In This Episode We Discuss
The Path Nobody Prepared Her For
Becca's journey to motherhood began with infertility — a deeply personal experience that, like foster care and adoption, is often navigated in relative silence. She shares how the decision to pursue adoption wasn't a pivot away from grief but a continuation of the same desire: to become a mother. What followed was a process far more emotionally complex, invasive, expensive, and unpredictable than most people realize.
The Reality of Foster Care
Foster care is frequently misunderstood — and Becca addresses that directly. The goal of the foster care system is reunification, not adoption. Foster parents open their homes knowing that a child may return to their biological family. The emotional resilience this requires is significant and ongoing. Becca talks about what it means to love a child unconditionally while holding that uncertainty — and why more people need to understand this before entering the process.
Failed Placements and Grief Nobody Talks About
One of the most honest threads in this conversation is the reality of failed placements — when a child you've prepared for, or already welcomed, does not become yours. This type of grief is real, profound, and almost entirely absent from public conversation. Becca shares her experience navigating it and why the silence around it makes the journey harder for families who feel alone in it.
600 Days
From the day Becca's twin daughters arrived at her home to the day the adoption was finalized: 600 days. She traces that window — the waiting, the uncertainty, the paperwork, the court dates, the love that grew regardless — and what it felt like to finally exhale.
Community and Honest Conversation as Lifelines
Becca is emphatic: having people in your corner who have actually been through it changes everything. Not therapists with textbook knowledge, but real people who have lived the process — the grief, the bureaucracy, the unexpected joy — and are willing to talk about it honestly. She and Ali discuss why more people sharing their real experiences makes the path less isolating for everyone who comes after.
Motherhood Doesn't Look Like One Thing
This episode carries a quiet but powerful message: motherhood begins in many ways, and none of them is less valid. Becca's path was not the one she imagined. It was longer, harder, and more grief-laden than she expected. And it led her exactly where she was supposed to be.
Key Takeaways
The adoption and foster care process is emotional, invasive, expensive, and nonlinear. Families navigating it deserve far more honest preparation than they typically receive.
Foster care's primary goal is reunification. Foster parents must hold deep love alongside genuine uncertainty about the outcome — a form of emotional resilience that is rarely acknowledged.
Failed placements are a real and underacknowledged form of grief. More people sharing their experience helps others feel less alone in it.
Community matters more than credentials. Real experience from people who have lived the process is one of the most valuable resources available to adoptive families.
The process takes time — often far more than expected. Becca's timeline from placement to finalization was 600 days.
Motherhood doesn't have to begin the way you imagined to become exactly what was meant for you.
Sharing the real story — not just the highlight reel — is an act of service.
Frequently Asked Questions
-
A: Foster-to-adopt is a path where prospective adoptive parents become licensed foster parents and are placed with a child whose parental rights may eventually be terminated. Because the foster care system's primary goal is family reunification, the outcome is not guaranteed — families may foster a child who ultimately returns to their biological family. When reunification is not possible and parental rights are terminated, the foster family may have the opportunity to adopt. The process is emotionally demanding, legally complex, and can span months to years.
-
A: Timelines vary widely and are largely dependent on the court system, individual case circumstances, and whether reunification with biological family is pursued. From initial placement to legal finalization, the process commonly takes one to three years. Becca Gordon's experience — featured in this episode — went from placement of her twin daughters to adoption finalization in 600 days.
-
A: A failed placement occurs when a child is placed with a prospective adoptive family but the adoption does not proceed — due to reunification, a change in the birth parent's decision, or other legal circumstances. It is one of the most emotionally difficult experiences in the adoption process and is significantly underrepresented in public conversation. Support from others with lived experience and community connection are among the most helpful resources for families navigating this grief.
-
A: Foster parenting requires loving a child fully while holding genuine uncertainty about whether that child will stay. Because reunification is the system's primary goal, foster parents must prepare for the possibility that a child they've bonded with may return to their biological family. This requires emotional resilience, strong community support, and honest preparation — alongside the hope that adoption may ultimately become possible.
-
A: Private domestic adoption involves working with an adoption agency or attorney to match with a birth mother who has voluntarily chosen adoption. It is generally faster and more predictable than foster-to-adopt but is significantly more expensive and carries its own emotional risks, including the possibility that a birth mother may change her decision. Foster-to-adopt involves the foster care system, typically has lower or no financial cost, and begins with providing care for a child in need rather than matching for adoption specifically.
-
A: Beyond legal and agency support, families consistently report that community connection — especially with others who have lived the process — is one of the most valuable resources available. Honest, real conversations about grief, failed placements, paperwork, timelines, and emotional complexity help prospective parents set realistic expectations and feel less isolated. Formal support groups, experienced foster and adoptive parent networks, and open conversations like this episode contribute meaningfully to that foundation.
-
A: For many families, adoption follows an infertility journey — not as a consolation, but as a different path to the same destination. The grief of infertility is real and often undertreated, and it can run alongside the adoption process rather than resolving before it begins. Families navigating both simultaneously often benefit from community, counseling, and permission to grieve and hope at the same time.
This one stays with you. Listen to the full episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and watch on YouTube.
Related Episodes
S2E03 — Sobriety and Business ft. Christie Murdoch
Another deeply personal story about navigating a nonlinear path, community, and building a life that looks nothing like the one you planned. Similar emotional honesty and resonance.
S1E11 — Detoxing Life: From Pain to Purpose ft. Christie Ontko-Duffy
A conversation about courage, grief, personal transformation, and finding purpose through pain — a natural companion to Becca's story.
S2E14 — Letting Go Creates Expansion
Ali's solo episode on surrender, identity, and trusting a path you didn't plan. A deeply aligned companion piece for listeners moved by Becca's story.
